Eclectic Christian

A few months ago I was introduced to the very funny Stuff White People Like, just now released as a book.

Last week I was introduced to the also very funny, and unashamedly copycat, Stuff Christians Like. Written by a very talented advertising copywriter with the nom de plume of “Prodigal John”, his description of the Christian subculture is sure to hit your funny bone.

Here is an extract from one of his recent gems:

#332. That dude with the guitar at camp.

Put it down dude. Seriously, you know who you are. I went to camp with you. I went on a lot of church retreats with you. And some how, you even ended up living on the same floor as me freshman year of college.

I get it, you own an acoustic guitar. You put stickers of bands I have never heard on the outside of your guitar case. You have an interesting guitar strap. You are moody and introspective and somehow when you combine that guitar with the three songs you know and a campfire, every girl on the planet wants to sit near you. Are you kidding me?…

Your instrument isn’t even in tune but that doesn’t matter does it dude with the guitar? Because it’s more about the image, not the music. And what really gets me is that you’re going to play a song at youth Sunday this year and people are going to tell you that you should be a worship leader. Hearing that is going to make you start wearing product in your hair and rocking a white belt and when I walk to class at college you’ll be sitting on the steps of our dorm with a girl that is way too pretty to talk to me singing, “How great is our God.” And when she asks you, “Where did you learn to play like that?” You’ll respond by saying, “I just listen to my heart.” You are my archenemy dude with the guitar at camp.

I am going to steal your guitar and replace it with those big hand bells and the white gloves that handbellers (or is it just ‘bellers’) wear. Let’s see how easy it is to get girls to go on dates to Outback Steakhouse when all you have to play is a gigantic bell.

Check him out. You won’t regret it.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 11th, 2008 at 10:24 pm and is filed under fun. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.