Eclectic Christian

By Michael Bell

When I visit a church, I like to visit as if I am going to church for the first time to try and envision how a first time visitor would feel. These are all experiences either I have had visiting churches for the first time, or that friends of mine have had. I have combined them into a quasi-fictional account, as if all the experiences happened on a single Sunday, and I was indeed a first time visitor to church. I will tell you the purpose behind the story at the end of the posting.

I visited a church today. It was my first time in many years, but we had been having family difficulties, and a friend had suggested that a good church might be a good place to find help.

We wanted to go to the closest one, unfortunately it had no service time of its church sign, which looked like it had seen better days. So I tried the church website, no luck there, the church did not have one. I then tried the phone book, no answer on the first try, and no recorded message either, the second try I did get someone, (not sure who), who brusquely told me that the service was at 11:00 a.m.

So Sunday morning arrived, we decided we wanted to be early, so we got there at 10:55. The parking lot was full (I found out later that if fills up for Sunday School at 9:30). There was not much street parking available, but we finally found a spot 3 blocks away. By the time we got to the church, it was 11:05. Part of me wanted to just turn around and go home at that time, but we decided to persevere.

The church had two sets of doors. We were not sure which ones to go in, but settled on the big main doors. We cautiously opened the doors to the church to find… a completely empty room. After what seemed like at eternity, we heard singing coming from the double doors in front of us. A sign above the doors read “Sanctuary”, though I wasn’t sure what that meant. I slowly opened up these doors and I could see that we were entering in at the back of an auditorium. A man seated on a chair at the back, waved a folded piece of paper in our face. “Here”, he said, “you will need one of these”. It was program of sorts, though I could find no list of what was about to occur.

People were standing and singing, and I couldn’t really see where there were empty seats, there were certainly none at the back. As we were standing wondering where to go, the song ended, and everyone sat down, except us of course who were still standing at the back. Once everyone was seated, I could see that there was an empty row of seats close to the front of the auditorium. As we quickly made our way to the front it felt like every pair of eyes in the place were on us. I could feel myself turning red with embarrassment.

“We would like to welcome our visitors”, intoned the man at the front. “If you are visiting today, please raise your hand. We have a little gift for you.” With some trepidation I put up my hand. Someone came over to me and gave us two little rose lapel pins. The pastor encouraged the visitors to put them on. This is interesting I thought, it means that as we leave, every one here will know that we are a visitor, and will be able to make us feel welcome.

“We will now present the Lord with our tithes and offerings”, the man in front continued. I was confused, what was a tithe and what was an offering. Was I supposed to give two things? How much was I supposed to give. A plate was being passed down the aisle. I saw that most people had put envelopes onto the plate, but a few had put in cash. I hastily put in ten dollars as it passed by me hoping that it was an appropriate amount.

All of a sudden everyone around us was standing. We hurriedly stood too, not knowing why people were standing. Another person was reading from a Bible at the front. People around us seemed to follow along, but even though we had brought a Bible with us, we had no idea where to find the reference in it. By the time I had found the reference and the place in our Bible (thanks to the table of contents), the reading was over. Everyone started sitting again, so we followed suite.

After another song, my kids were starting to get ansy. A person behind us whispered, “I wonder why they don’t take them out for the kids program?” There was a kids program? No one had told us. I turned around and asked for the location of the childrens program. “Out the doors at the front of the sanctuary, and down the stairs.” I looked at her incredulously. “Can I access it from the back?” “No”, she said, only through those doors. My five year old was getting noisier, and more people were starting to stare. I thought the best bet was to make a quick dash for it now before things got out of hand. Up we went to the very front of the church. Again I felt the eyes staring at the back of my head. We got downstairs, only to discover another bunch of closed doors. We heard some kids behind one, so I knocked, and opened the door. “How old are your kids”, the Lady asked. “Five and Seven”, I responded. “The seven year old can stay here, but the five year old has to go into the next room.” “But I want to stay with Amy”, my five year old responded. “Sorry”, said the lady, “That is against the rules. She will have to go to her own class.” “If I can’t go with Amy, then I won’t go”, said my younger child. I tried to take her next door, but she started throwing a tantrum. “Would you like to sit with Daddy instead”, I asked. “Yes”, she sobbed.

Back upstairs we went, back in front of all those watching eyes. The sermon was just beginning. It was entitled “Law and Grace.” I didn’t understand most of it, largely because the preacher used a bunch of multisyllabic words that I didn’t understand. We sat for 45 minutes, not really understanding what was being said. All the time though, I was trying to figure out what he was saying would mean for me and my family. A couple times I had to nudge my older son awake. Finally the pastor finished with a prayer, the organ sounded and the pastor strode to back of the auditorium.

I had fixed my rose lapel, and my wife had done the same. At last, I thought, I will have an opportunity to meet some people. We walked slowly to the back of the auditorium, catching people’s eyes and smiling. A couple smiled back. No one introduced themselves. At the back, the Pastor was engrossed in conversation. I caught the word “substantiation”. After waiting three or four minutes for him to free himself, we left.

As we were walking down the stairs towards the lawn, I heard another lady behind us exclaim to a friend. “Wasn’t that a wonderful message!” “Yes”, her friend agreed. “Not like the pablum they feed them at some churches.”

We never went back.

So why did I write this little story.  This story, which I have seen in different forms, over and over again, is why I still believe in being seeker sensitive.  Being seeker sensitive, does not mean having to water down what you preach, but it does mean explaining it so that people can understand it and apply it.  Being seeker sensitive means training greeters so that if there is a kids program, visitors will be properly directed there.  Being seeker sensitive means roping off the last three rows of your auditorium for late comers.  Being seeker sensitive means printing an order of service, so that visitors can follow along.  Being seeker sensitive means that service times are properly communicated.  I know of one church that turned their auditorium sideways so that visitors would not have to exit at the platform.

The message does not have to change, but how it is presented often does. There are a lot of little things that can be done to say to visitors:  “You are welcome here!”

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 1st, 2009 at 1:48 am and is filed under church life, Gospel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.